Archetype song of Comfort at the Universal Speed of Orgasm: GREY STREET - Dave Matthews Band - Tempo Graphics and more

The most comfortable speed of all according to the meanspeed music theory is so comfortable that for nineteen years I called it simply "natural." Natural in the parlance of our times has taken on that one meaning too many, perhaps because the Green revolution has all Good people wanting to do things naturally. So after much thought, I changed the name of the emotion that one is predictably likely to find if a song has an average velocity between approximately 98-105 beats per minute as "comfort."


You can take a look at the songs on the list we give give you this page at this link or by using "GRAPHS" --> "BPM LIST" on the drop-down screen above.


One might point out, "Sir, I see a large number of songs in this territory that are about *un*comfortable things! Surely you overgeneralize!" To which I reply that first, of course there are exceptions, I call them tempo ironies, and they make the point of proving the rule by sticking out as unusual. Second, it is an axiom that someone *Else's* pain is always bearable. We all know this is true.
Take a look again at the songs that do not "fit" as being songs of comfort, being natural, being contented: they are about someone else. Another Day In Paradise is in this range and it is about poverty, homelessness and racism? Not Phil Collins' homelessness!Nowhere is this better seen in what I have called for years the MARVIN GAYE EFFECT. In his songs Mercy, Mercy Me (The Ecology) and What's Goin' On, Marvin signs about the horrors of everything from nuclear waste to moronic and death and mental injury-causing Vietnam [War]. However, these two songs are about his brother's enlistment, and both were originally recorded as "upbeat" songs for an all female quartet with whom Marvin was working at the time of the war draft. Listen to either of these songs without the words, and they sound like songs of comfort and contentment. Marvin himself compared it the Martin Luther King approach to racism as opposed to Malcolm X's James Brown-like in-your-face approach. Moral leaders can face the no-win Gandhi end, which is why most are too cowardly to be moral leaders. Both men were killed for simply trying to be the 'black leaders' so called 'whites' are always ranting about. The song about martin Luther King's horrible death that is best known is by the Irish singer Bono: Pride (In The Name Of Love), of course, not being Bono's assassination, at the speed range of 98-105, natural or comfortable. In Dave Matthews song of comfort called GREY STREET, there is a girl who has an emptiness inside her. Inside her. See what I mean? Hear it? According to German scientists circa 2005, this same tempo is the same tempo of orgasmic spasms which occur in the genital and rectal areas of both men and women, same spasms being the ONLY element of sex where there is a predictable speed. Heartbeat, blood pressure, breath rate: nothing to do with sex and predictability.
Only 70 million studies had to be made in order for all the scientists to agree: sure, the autonomic nervous system in general speeds up in the force of sexual attraction and action, no speed of the heart, breath, lung or any other organ of the individual of either gender is predictable in regard to sex.





Except, as Masters & Johnson hypothesized, and were validated. The Germanic studies a few years ago that truly put an axiomatic speed on rate of orgasmic spasm were the readings of 21st century anal probes. Masters & Johnson were validated, but there rate of "approximately 800 milliseconds per spasm" (75 spasms per minute), the rate was fixed by contemporary measurement standards at 600 milliseconds, or 100 spasms per minute, diminishing until after about 7 or 8 to stopping, and in the good old days, a cigarette.

Ian Andrew Schneider
July 27, 2008
Meanspeed Music